When What You Want Doesn't Agree With What Your Family Wants For You!

I am a single 38 year young mother of 2 incredible children. I have worked hard to raise my children to be proud of who they are. My daughter is the product of 2 white parents who were never married. She's never known her father, as he left before she was born. She has seen him but doesn't really "know" him. My son is half Hispanic. I was married to his father but wish that I wasn't. We all endured some abuse from that one. I put his dad out as soon as I figured out that he was abusing my kids. I've tried to teach my children that they are not their parents. They can be anyone they believe they can be. They are free to make their own choices in life. I pray daily that the choices they do make will be good ones. In raising my children, I try to remember what it was like for me at their ages and parent accordingly.
One major issue we have faced as a family is racism. First, with my son being bi-racial. Some of our own family had a hard time accepting that. They have even called my son names like Paco. Once they really got to know him all that stopped, thank God. I knew he may face some negativity because of his race, so I tried to soften the blow early by desensitizing him to some of the racial slurs I knew he would hear. I would lovingly call him things like little beaner and wet back. I felt that if he heard me saying it in a loving and joking manner, he would not be so hurt when hearing it from others. It worked. My son wasn't the only one affected by his race. My daughter was also. In her eyes, he is not her half brother. He is her brother plain and simple. When she would hear people, namely our family, making rude comments it hurt her too. I never had to tell her that she is not superior to her brother because she is white. She knew that all along.
Racism hasn't only affected us in terms of my son's race, but also in our choice of friends. My son is constantly being ridiculed because, as a Mexican he should like Mexican girls and not just white girls. I catch grief because I prefer men of color. My daughter has a hard time for having a lot of mixed and black friends. Some people can't accept that this is not the 1950's. Interracial relationships and friendships are everywhere. I have been asked what I would do if my daughter came home with a black man. My response, if he treats her with respect and loves her then I am happy for her. I would rather her be with a black man that treats her well than to be with a white man that treats her the way I have been treated by white men. The only time I will interfere with my children's love lives is if they or their children are being abused. My son likes white girls that look like his sister. My daughter likes white dark complected boys that look like her brother. That is their choice. I can't tell them to date only white people. That would be like telling them both that my daughter is better than my son, and she's not. They are both equally special.
Recently, I asked my children why they like the type of people they like. Their response was much like my own, "I don't really know". I don't know why I am more attracted to black men. I just am. My family hates it. They don't want to have anything to do with me because of it. My mom is constantly giving me grief over it. For some self centered conceited reason, she thinks that my love life has something to do with her, and I should be with a man I don't want to be with because that is what she wants. None of my family asked my permission to date who they dated or marry their spouses. Why should I or my children have to ask their permission? So what do you do when what you want goes against what your family wants for you? Live your life for you! In the end, you are the one that has to live with your choices. If you have kids, you do have to take their feelings into consideration. Keep in mind tho, even they will be gone one day living their own lives. Where then does that leave you? So make yourself happy. Choose the path that is right for you. This rule applies to every part of life, not just your love life. Choose your career, your hobbies, and your mate per your own standards.
One final thought: In choosing your path, never ever ever put up with abuse of any kind from anyone!
Live your life and have fun doing it! Life wasn't meant to make you miserable. Find the joy in everything you do and keep singing thru the rain! The sun WILL shine again!!!