Tired Of Doing It All Alone

The past few weeks have been really hard. My son's diabetes is far from in control. My daughter is suffering from Osgood Schlatter's and is on crutches for at least the next 6 weeks. She's upset about having to miss out on her cheer leading and next week's homecoming game. I am struggling to keep up with all my responsibilities to them, the financial burdens, and take care of myself in the process. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my kids for anything in the world, and most of the time I'm glad I don't have to share them with their fathers. I hate to be away from my kids. It's just that sometimes, I wish they could help relieve some of the stress by taking them to their games or doctor's appointments, or give them pep talks when they're down. Anything!
These dead beats think that just because they pay a few dollars a month (and I do mean a very few), then their responsibilities are over. They forget that I didn't make them by myself and that there is more to having children than paying a measly little $100 or $200 per month. What about all the times they get sick, or upset, or just need a dad around? Even an occasional phone call would be nice.
In the case of my daughter, her dad's family doesn't even know about her. He's hid her from his mother and his wife for almost 14 years now. If you count the 39 weeks that I was pregnant, it has been over 14 years. She is slowly letting some of her family know about her herself. She recently sent her little sister an email on Facebook wishing her a happy birthday. She told her older brother that she's his sister a couple years ago. I think it's pretty sad that SHE has to do it. Her dad should have stepped up a long time ago. He's more concerned with keeping up his "appearance" than being a dad to his daughter. It's his loss really. She's an amazing young woman. She's a straight A student, on her school cheer squad, absolutely beautiful, super talented,  and has such a great personality. Anyone should be proud to have her in their life, much less as their daughter. I know I am.
My son's dad is another story. He wants absolutely nothing to do with his dad. He knows what a low life his dad is. He's seen him ONCE in 9 years, and that was only for about 15 minutes while he was in the hospital close to his dad's hometown. He had just been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and all his dad could spare was 15 minutes. He hasn't even called since to check on him. My son is also an absolutely amazing young man. He's smart, handsome, oh so funny, loving, talented, and the most compassionate and charismatic boy I've ever met. He has more wit than men 40 years his senior. He's definitely mama's boy! So again, it's his dad's loss.
Both my children are a blessing. It's just too bad that their sorry POS dad's don't know that.

It's Football Season Baby!

It's that time of year again! Football season has officially kicked off. I love watching my kids do their things on the ball field. Unfortunately, this year my son was unable to play football due to his diabetes. However, my daughter is kickin it hard out there. 

Yes, she made the school cheer squad for the second year. It's a good thing the cheerleaders are pretty good, since the 8th grade football team leaves a lot to be desired. I couldn't be prouder of her. I'll be glad to get her uniforms paid off though. Hard to believe how much that little bit of material can cost!!! It's unreal! She deserves every penny paid for them. She does so well with her academics, and works her butt off for the squad, that I believe she earns the cost of her uniforms and more. She practices during school all week, has practices on Tuesdays after school at a gym, then has games on Thursday nights. The hardest thing for me is that sometimes I can't afford to go to her games. I know it bothers her that all the other girls have their parents there, and she's the only one that doesn't. She never says anything about it though. She tries hard not to put my stress on me over it, because she knows I beat myself up over it every time I have to miss a game.

We actually had a great time this past week. I was able to borrow enough money for my son and I to go to my daughter's game Thursday night. It was great seeing her out there even if the football team did lose miserably. Then, Friday night we went to the high school game. Cheyenne got to go for free with the cheer squad if she wore her jersey, and my dad paid for Lakota and me to go. Again, the football team lost miserably, but it was still fun just knowing my kids were enjoying themselves. I spent the largest part of Friday with my son and not one, but TWO 8th grade cheerleaders!!! Can you possibly imagine what that was like? There was never a dull or QUIET moment (especially when they started sucking on helium balloons)! The things we parents do just to see a smile on the faces of our kids!!!!!!!

We don't get to do much as a family due to finances, but when we do, we do it up right!

Realizing My Baby Isn't a Baby Anymore!

My daughter will be turning 13 on Monday. Unfortunately, I won't get to see her most of the day. She'll be in school all day, then straight to the basketball games out of town to cheer. We're having her party tomorrow before most of her friends go out of town for Christmas. Of course, she's excited, but the closer it gets the more nervous I get. It seems like only moments ago I was looking into her little eyes for the first time. Now, she's as big as me, getting more beautiful by the second, and thankfully very intelligent. I used to cradle her in my arms and rock her to sleep. Now, she can look me in the eyes. I'm so proud of the young woman she's becoming, but I miss my little baby girl. I'm happy to see her growing up and taking on all the challenges the world throws at her. I'm also very sad that everyday brings her closer to heading out on her own to start her own life. This past year has brought so many changes for her. She's finally starting to bloom socially. Since making the cheer squad, she has become a more outgoing, tougher, stronger, and more determined individual. Before, she kept her circle of friends very small. For her party tomorrow, she has invited over 60 kids. I didn't even know she knew that many people. Everything just seems to be happening so fast. Every time I take a breath she's bigger, smarter, friendlier, funnier, more independent, and more beautiful. It's scary as her mom to watch such a dramatic transformation happening right before my eyes, but I somehow still seem to be missing it. Realizing that she is only 5 years from heading of to college scares the crap out of me. I can only pray that I have raised her in a way that she will have what it takes to succeed without having to sacrifice her morals or her sense of self. I pray that when she is on her own, she will make the right choices in life. I'm very blessed to be her mom. She is an amazing young woman. I'd like to say that at least when she's gone off on her own life adventure my son will still be here with me, but he'll be gone the very next year. What will I do with myself then? I won't know what to do. I'm sure I can think of something though.

When What You Want Doesn't Agree With What Your Family Wants For You!

I am a single 38 year young mother of 2 incredible children. I have worked hard to raise my children to be proud of who they are. My daughter is the product of 2 white parents who were never married. She's never known her father, as he left before she was born. She has seen him but doesn't really "know" him. My son is half Hispanic. I was married to his father but wish that I wasn't. We all endured some abuse from that one. I put his dad out as soon as I figured out that he was abusing my kids. I've tried to teach my children that they are not their parents. They can be anyone they believe they can be. They are free to make their own choices in life. I pray daily that the choices they do make will be good ones. In raising my children, I try to remember what it was like for me at their ages and parent accordingly.
One major issue we have faced as a family is racism. First, with my son being bi-racial. Some of our own family had a hard time accepting that. They have even called my son names like Paco. Once they really got to know him all that stopped, thank God. I knew he may face some negativity because of his race, so I tried to soften the blow early by desensitizing him to some of the racial slurs I knew he would hear. I would lovingly call him things like little beaner and wet back. I felt that if he heard me saying it in a loving and joking manner, he would not be so hurt when hearing it from others. It worked. My son wasn't the only one affected by his race. My daughter was also. In her eyes, he is not her half brother. He is her brother plain and simple. When she would hear people, namely our family, making rude comments it hurt her too. I never had to tell her that she is not superior to her brother because she is white. She knew that all along.
Racism hasn't only affected us in terms of my son's race, but also in our choice of friends. My son is constantly being ridiculed because, as a Mexican he should like Mexican girls and not just white girls. I catch grief because I prefer men of color. My daughter has a hard time for having a lot of mixed and black friends. Some people can't accept that this is not the 1950's. Interracial relationships and friendships are everywhere. I have been asked what I would do if my daughter came home with a black man. My response, if he treats her with respect and loves her then I am happy for her. I would rather her be with a black man that treats her well than to be with a white man that treats her the way I have been treated by white men. The only time I will interfere with my children's love lives is if they or their children are being abused. My son likes white girls that look like his sister. My daughter likes white dark complected boys that look like her brother. That is their choice. I can't tell them to date only white people. That would be like telling them both that my daughter is better than my son, and she's not. They are both equally special.
Recently, I asked my children why they like the type of people they like. Their response was much like my own, "I don't really know". I don't know why I am more attracted to black men. I just am. My family hates it. They don't want to have anything to do with me because of it. My mom is constantly giving me grief over it. For some self centered conceited reason, she thinks that my love life has something to do with her, and I should be with a man I don't want to be with because that is what she wants. None of my family asked my permission to date who they dated or marry their spouses. Why should I or my children have to ask their permission? So what do you do when what you want goes against what your family wants for you? Live your life for you! In the end, you are the one that has to live with your choices. If you have kids, you do have to take their feelings into consideration. Keep in mind tho, even they will be gone one day living their own lives. Where then does that leave you? So make yourself happy. Choose the path that is right for you. This rule applies to every part of life, not just your love life. Choose your career, your hobbies, and your mate per your own standards.
One final thought: In choosing your path, never ever ever put up with abuse of any kind from anyone!
Live your life and have fun doing it! Life wasn't meant to make you miserable. Find the joy in everything you do and keep singing thru the rain! The sun WILL shine again!!!